Oh, how you would love my mother. Do you think I'm warped? Well, she is warped-er. I am but a pale imitation of the original.
My mother has wrestled a giant turtle, faced down bullies, raised a horde of wild beast-children, and twirled as a 6 year old princess in a lemon-yellow ball gown. She has an incredibly dry sense of humor that leaves you laughing and wondering if she is serious at the same time. She is the only person I have ever met who can beat me at Trivial Pursuit. Check out the game tournaments on facebook. I play a game - any game - and she effortlessly waltzes in and beats my high score. Some mothers encourage their children and build their self esteem by letting them win. Not my mom. If you survived our household, you were strong enough to face the world.
I learned to walk on ice while she sat on the porch and laughed till she cried as I slipped and slid my way home from the bus stop. I'm pretty sure she would have come to help me if I had hurt more than my bottom, but maybe not. It's a toss of the dice with her.
When I was a girl, books were her life. She once crawled on top of the refrigerator so we couldn't reach her just so she could read in peace. If there weren't any books in the house that she hadn't read, she would re-read her favorites. I used to think that was a sign of her intelligence and thirst for knowledge. Now I realize the truth. Books are way more interesting than doing the dishes. No contest. They are even slightly more interesting than Walker Texas Ranger, but just barely.
My mom can cook, sew, can vegetables, twist the heads off of chickens, provide advanced first aid to pets and children (except for the chickens), and accurately pin point the faults of anyone I try to like. She can cuss like a truck driver, kill snakes, smoke a cigarette, plow a garden plot, and still manage to be completely ladylike.
I've seen pictures of her when she was young. She was completely gorgeous. My dad snagged her when they were still kids, otherwise, I'd probably be basking on the beach of my Mediterranean villa because my mother married a billionaire.
You may think that I'm insulting my mom, but she knows the truth. She knows that I have spent my entire adult life trying to be just like her. One of these days, when I beat her at Trivial Pursuit, her job will be finished and she can die in peace. Until then, she's going to kick my butt, pop my balloons, poke my ego, and still be my safety net.
1 comment:
Don't beleive a word of this. It is pure fiction. I have met Jorgi's mother and she is a very softspoken lady who never smoked, doesn't cuss. She would never laugh if her children fell on the ice. She reads a lot, the last time I saw her she was sitting in her rose garden with an umbrella to protect her delicate skin, rereading the classics.
Post a Comment