I'm Innocent I tell You! Innocent!

Do you remember that new coffee pot I bought a few weeks ago? Well, guess what? It doesn't have the pause and pour feature that I've had for years. That's just trouble waiting to happen.

Say, for instance, that some nameless somebody forgot to set up the coffee pot with the timer last night. And say, for instance, that same somebody was sleepy when she had to make the coffee this morning. And say, for instance, she didn't get the pot positioned correctly under the brew spout. And say, for instance, she left the pot unattended to stand under the shower and wake up slowly. If such an unlikely chain of events were to occur, the entire pot of coffee would spill all over the coffee bar, down behind the coffee bar, onto the unfortunately absorbent wood floor tiles, and even onto the wall behind the coffee bar. Not that I would know this for any particular reason. It's just wild supposition on my part.

When It Rains, It Pours ~ Especially When You're In A Tent

Years ago, long before The Boy was even a twinkle in his daddy's eye, Mister and I and Buddy and Chickie went camping in the mountains of Colorado. We were supposed to be there for a week, but it rained an icy rain and we were trapped in a tent for three days. When the tent started leaking, we packed up and went home early. It was miserable.

7 years ago, when The Boy was only 2, we took him on his first camping trip. About two hours into the trip, he grabbed the lantern and burned his hand so badly that we had to call an ambulance. When the paramedics were done with him, we packed up and went home early. It was miserable.

Still, I love to camp. We haven't been since The Boy was burned, but we were ready to try again.

The morning that we were supposed to leave, Mister totaled his car. I spent the rest of the day at the ER, then cleaning out the car, calling the insurance company, filling prescriptions, and babying Mister. That was Day 1. We decided to leave on Day 2 instead.

On Day 2, we left Mister at home and The Boy and I went by ourselves. It was hot while we set up the campsite. It was so hot that I literally had big droplets of sweat dripping off my body and my hair looked like I had dunked it under a faucet. While I was doing that, The Boy went to explore the woods. Unfortunately, we took the wrong walkie talkies. I thought we grabbed the REAL ones, but we only had toy walkie talkies with a very limited range. Needless to say, he got lost and I was frantic. When we reunited, we were both in tears. He stayed close after that.

Later he tripped and grabbed the fire pit grate as he fell. His hand blistered right away, but no paramedics were needed, so we stayed.

Then it started to rain. There had been NO rain in the forecast, so we didn't even have the canopy top of the tent with us. We pulled a tarp over the screened tent ceiling, but it was an old tarp and it leaked. The inside of the tent was wet and even had puddles on the floor. We gave up that night and went to sleep at my mom's house a few miles away. And that was Day 2.

Day 3 was beautiful. The Boy and I went back to the campground and dried out our bedding, tent, chairs, etc. The day was gorgeous, the reunion dinner was delicious, and hanging out with my cousins was a blast. Chickie took The Boy fishing, which he loved. Then I visited with my cousins some more. We laughed until my sides hurt. The Boy and I snuggled up in the tent and slept well. That was Day 3.

Day 4 was even more beautiful. We cooked a leisurely breakfast, visited with friends who were coincidentally staying at the same campground, went swimming at the beach by the dam, and packed up to go home. That was Day 4.

So, even though it started out rough, it ended up great. We had a lot of fun and are planning to camp on our next canoe trip. I've never taken The Boy canoeing. I was worried I would accidentally drown him. But since the camping trip turned out ok, I'm feeling brave.

I Didn't Write This Blog

My friend wrote an article for a self advocacy newsletter to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the Supreme Court's Olmstead Decision on June 22. The Olmstead Decision basically says that if you have a disability, you still have the right to live in the community. People don't have to go to institutions.

Here is her article.

IT’S MY LIFE
My name is Melanie. I grew up living with my mom, my dad, and my sisters. When I graduated from high school, I decided to move out. A long time ago grown ups who had disabilities and needed a little bit of help had to stay with their families or move to institutions. I got to choose. I chose to live in my own home in the community with some help when I need it. I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman. I don’t want to be treated like a little girl and live in someone else’s house with someone else’s rules. Thanks to Olmstead, other grown up women like me get to choose, too. We don’t have to live in institutions. We can be in charge of our own lives.

Houston, We Have a Problem

This morning I was going to go on a camping trip. Instead, I got a phone call shortly after my husband left for work. To make a long story short, he flipped his car end over end. NONE of his front or side curtain airbags deployed. When the moon roof shattered and the top of the car caved in, he was beat up quite a bit. He's going to be ok. He has more tests scheduled for Monday just to answer a few questions. In the meantime, he's at home in a soft collar. Tomorrow he's going to be hurting.

I told him once that I would crawl over broken glass for him. Today I actually did. I went to the salvage lot to get all of his stuff out of the car. The front driver's side door wouldn't open, which was balanced out by the front passenger door that won't close. Anyway, I had to crawl across the seat to get his glasses, cell phone, etc from the floorboard. Ouch.

Here are a few shots of the now-totaled car.

Some Things Just Aren't Funny - (Warning- if you're looking for something light hearted, skip this one.)

Dear Joey,

Today is your 21st birthday. You should be planning a night out on the town with all your guy friends to drink too much and laugh at things that sober people don’t think are funny.

You should be finished with your community college courses now and be living in a dorm at a university.

You should have a girlfriend who gets mad at you because you spend too much time on the computer.

You should be singing “Stacy’s Mom” to torment your boss and her daughter. You should be initiating new coworkers with the trash can treatment.

You should have been best man at your brother’s wedding and doting uncle to the niece and nephew you never got to meet.

You should have been standing behind your grandma with your hand on her shoulder while we all grouped around your grandpa and let him slip away.

Every family picture I see has a hole where you should be standing.

I can still picture you running though the house with Buddy and Daniel. You each had a towel pinned around your neck playing super hero. I can also picture a 3 year old you on the back porch of the house in Lee’s Summit with your shorts and cowboy boots.

I don’t understand why things happen the way they do. I don’t think it’s fair. I can only believe that whatever you were supposed to do on this planet, you finished early. You picked a hell of time to stop procrastinating.

Anyway, I still miss you. I hope that wherever you are there’s Dr. Pepper and high speed internet access.

Happy Birthday. I love you.

Aunt Jorgi

Joseph Neal Kreeger
June 18, 1988 – November 13, 2007

Messing With Sasquatch

I sure like the sasquatch commercials. Other people's pain and terror is really funny. Unfortunately, I've never seen Bigfoot. I do know a few people with excessive body hair and quite a few with the pungent odor of unwashed monster sweat, but that's as close as I've gotten to the big guy.

So, lacking my own private sasquatch to taunt, I have to settle for what's available. Drunk people. In particular, the same drunk guy who keeps texting me thinking that I'm his friend, Paul. I almost cackled with glee when he texted me again tonight. First I played along. I found out all kinds of things about the guy. You'll be very surprised to know that he's single and he drinks. He proudly informed me that he has quite a buzz going on. When I got tired of the game and finally let him know that I 'm not Paul, he then decided that I must be Molly. Really, could he make it any easier for me? I mean, come on, where's the challenge? I almost felt guilty about how easy it was to convince him that Molly has a secret thing for him. (Which, of course, he has apparently suspected for years.) Eventually I gave up and told the poor guy that I'm not Molly and however old he is, I'm more than likely old enough to be his mom. Guess what? That didn't stop him. Apparently he is not too particular about with whom he hooks up. It was then that I mentioned my large and violently jealous husband who just got out of prison. Too bad my husband has never been to prison. I'm sure he'd get a prison tattoo just to help me mess with Sasquatch. He's fun like that.

Going Bonkers

Going Bonkers isn't JUST a euphemism. It's the name of the kiddy palace where I took my son and his friend today. I think you know the kind of place I'm talking about. You pay to get in and then you ditch your shoes. After that you can climb around inside a giant indoor maze with slides and stuff. When you're bored with physical activities, you can whine to your ATM/Mother to give you money for tokens for the games. When you're done with the games, you can buy high fat, over priced pizza and junk food.

We were supposed to go to Big Surf, but the weather was sabotaging our fun. I'm the type of person who feels really guilty about things I can't control - like the weather raining us out of the water park. Anyway, I gave them a trip to Going Bonkers as atonement for my crime of letting it rain. They had a fantastic time. I passed out dollar bills like a drunk in a strip club. Toward the end of the day, they started bickering over really important things like who got the most M&Ms or which Chinese finger cuffs belonged to whom. That was my cue to take the show on the road and get the grumpy, sugar stoned boys home. All in all, we had a great time. We stayed for 5 hours, which I'm sure you will all agree makes me mother of the year.

Here's the kicker... I took a book with me to pass the time. About three paragraphs in, I realized that I had already read this book before. (Momma's girl!) So there I was for 5 hours with NOTHING to read. I should get some kind of trophy for that.

One of These Days I'm Gonna Fix That

Many years ago Mister and I went to Indiana to visit one of his old Air Force buddies, John. While we were there, John's parents had a barbecue and invited us over. When we walked down the stairs, I took hold of the bannister and it came off the wall in my hand. His dad said, "Don't worry about that. It's been broken for years. One of these days I'm gonna fix that." When we were in the back yard, we couldn't help but notice their swimming pool. It was half filled with green water and had a film of slime over the top. John's dad said, "Sure wish we could invite you to swim, but the pool needs some work. One of these days I'm gonna fix that." No one else thought it was funny as John's dad made the same proclamation throughout the evening. Broken tap in the bathroom sink? "One of these days I'm gonna fix that." Dishwasher not working? "One of these days I'm gonna fix that." Mister and I were trying to contain our laughter because it seemed rude and no one else seemed to notice that he kept saying that. If we had been drinking alcohol, we could have made a drinking game out of it.

So here we are, 15 years later, and we still think it's funny. Last week our coffee pot died. I got out the old percolator and we used that. Yesterday my son asked why we weren't using the other coffee pot. I started to tell him it was broken and one of these days we were gonna buy a new one. Before the words left my lips, I started laughing. Then I went to the store and bought a new coffee pot.

99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall

Notice the baby application to your left? As of this writing, we are down to 99 days. We are under 100. Isn't that exciting? I promise I won't be annoying and do a daily count. You can just keep your eye on the countdown application.

On another topic, here's a tip for you. When you are cleaning out your closets and sheds and garages and you end up with a pile of stuff that is too good to throw away, don't. I hate to hold garage sales because they are a lot of work and very little payoff, plus I have to do something with the things that don't sell. Instead, I bring everything to Savvy Seconds. It's a resale store that is run by our local sheltered workshop. It's a win/win/win situation.

WIN- I get rid of my stuff knowing it will go to someone who needs it PLUS I get a tax receipt for it. (I itemize.)

WIN- People in the community can come in and by good quality clothes, furniture and household items at bargain prices. The store is very upscale and not at all what you picture in your head when you think 'thrift store.'

WIN- People who have disabilities have good paying jobs sorting, pricing, hanging, organizing, etc... all the donations.

But here's the great part. If you don't live in my town, you probably have a very similar set up close to you. The Salvation Army thrift stores typically employ people with disabilities. Sometimes other communities have workshop resale stores. It's a great thing to do with your stuff.

I'm tarred (That's how rednecks say they're sleepy.)

We had an 8:00 ball game tonight which we won 20-10. Didn't get home till almost 10:00. Now I want to go to sleep, but I have to stop in here to gloat. Tomorrow is my last day of work until June 22. I need a rest. Too bad I've scheduled activities for every single day.

In case you care, here they are:

Saturday - Cleaning and shopping
Sunday - Yardwork and The Boy is having a friend stay all night.
Monday - I'm taking The Boy and his friend to a water park.
Tuesday - Possibly a movie, then we have a ball game.
Wednesday - Packing for the camping trip, grooming the dogs, baseball game.
Thursday - I have to find a way to commemorate Joey's 21st birthday. I think heavy drinking is in order.
Thursday thru Sunday - Camping at the lake. I have an itenerary set up for those four days. It includes swimming, fishing, horse shoes, the swinging bridge, Visitors' Center, and the play ground.
Sunday - Home, unpacking, de-ticking, laundry, etc...
Monday - Back to work.

Sounds relaxing, doesn't it?

270 Miles and 43 Years

I took a journey this past weekend. My mom and I drove 270 miles to a little dot in Kansas to attend a family reunion.

43 years ago, when I was still in Momma's belly, her dad and his siblings decided that they needed to start having an annual get together so that they could see each other someplace other than funerals. That first official reunion was held in the summer of 1966. Since then my Grandpa and his brothers and sisters are now gone. In fact, many of their children are gone as well. The original remaining cousins visit with one another and get reintroduced to one another's descendants, but attendance among the younger generations has dropped off sharply. Those of us from the third and subsequent generations who do attend usually cluster within our own branches. I have a feeling the reunion will die off in the next ten years or so. Still, there were some great photo ops.

Remember this picture from a few weeks ago?

Well here they are 60 years later. Still gorgeous!

Also, here is my mom and her brother, George.

And here she is with her cousin, Janie.

This is a group of us kids with my great Uncle Charlie while camping at the reunion. I THINK this was 1971. If not, it was pretty close. I'm the one who is trying to gouge out her own eyes.

Two of the kids in the above picture are all grown up in this one. My cousin Davey is on the far right up above. Below he is the only guy in the picture with - from left to right - cousin Barb, Me, and cousin Becky. Yeah. We are all that short. I'm 5'1", so you can guess everyone else's height from there!

And finally, here is my cousin Jeff. I haven't seen him since I was about 12 years old. If I had seen him on the street, I would have known him. He looks just like the two of his brothers with whom I keep in touch.

I bet you can't wait for Reunion II, the Sequel! We have another reunion Father's Day weekend. It's also a camping reunion. We're rednecks.

Nightmares

The Boy had a nightmare last night. He dreamed that both of our dogs fell down into a big silver tube and only one of them got out. He was sad and upset when he woke up. Poor thing!

I've escaped!

I know I haven't blogged in a week, but seriously, it wasn't my fault. I was kidnapped by a roving band of ninjas who held me for ransom thinking that I was super rich. After a week, they finally figured out that I wasn't super RICH I'm a super B-TCH. They obviously misunderstood the rumors.

Really though, it's been a crazy week, but now I'm back.

To catch you up... we lost our ball game Thursday night but won the game last night. Right now I think we are heatedly battling it out for last place. Or 4th. Maybe 5th. I'm not sure. Baseball statistics confuse and frighten me. All I know is that The Boy hit a great line drive last night and doubled. He also got two RBIs. When we were walking to the car after the game he said that the line drive was "the greatest moment of my life!!!" He can be very easy to please.