The Higher Standard

This is new information to those of you who do not work in my field, but self advocates and my savviest coworkers have long known the truth. People who have disabilities are held to a higher standard than people who do not.

If a person who has a disability lives in a group setting, he is typically expected to make his bed every morning. Do you?

If a person who has a disability wants to have control of her own finances, she is expected to demonstrate fiscal responsibility by paying for needs first and then wants. Do you?

If a person who has a disability puts on too much weight, the doctor recommends a diet that staff enforce. There is no choice for him except to either hide and horde food or to follow the diet. Which would you choose?

If a person who has a disability gets mad, she is expected to maintain a calm temperment and work through the issue in a manner that is respectful to the other person. Do you?

Today my friend Pam and I were discussing a situation in which a person who has a disability was provoked beyond reason and reacted with physical aggression. While we understood and empathized with her anger, the professional part of us mumbled the platitudes about there being no excuse for hurting other people.

After a while, we got to thinking. Why do we have to teach her to be perfect? Can't we just teach her to be sneaky?

Don't hit your roommate when she calls you a nigger, scream really loud and then tell your staff that SHE hit YOU.

Having brothers and sisters taught a lot of us how to survive in the real world when you have to deal with jerks. (Apologies to my brothers and sister. They all grew up to be wonderful people, despite the scars they inflicted on me during childhood.) Sometimes the rational approach doesn't work. And it's no fun. Sure we can all pretend to be grown ups and handle conflict in a dignified manner, but failing that, let's help people figure out how not to get caught.