Judgement Day

Here's a conundrum for you. If you love someone and want what you believe is best for that person, then is it love or control when you make choices for them with which they disagree?

I work with people who have disabilities. They are not angelic innocents. Most of them are just like you everyone else. They drink, smoke, have sex, complain about politics, and generally have -GOSH NO- opinions.

So if you have an 80-something set of parents who live frugally, believe in hard work and responsibility, and trim their front yard on their hands and knees with scissors, what does that make life like for their adult children who have disabilities? These are the parents who FOUGHT to create the service systems for their children that I take for granted. These are the parents who were told in the 50s that they need to send their small children to institutions and they said, HELL NO. These are the parents who wrote letters, served on committees, got out the vote, and MADE the system for which I work.

And now they have children who are in their 50s. These are adult children that can bake a cake from scratch, but aren't allowed to take their medication independently because they might measure wrong. These are adult children who can ride a lawn mower all over town, but aren't allowed to learn to drive. These are adult children who argue with me about politics, but aren't allowed to vote. There is a fine line between protecting your child and holding them back. If I go outside in the winter without my gloves, my hands get cold and I learn not to forget my gloves. If they go outside without their gloves, someone will be assigned to hand them their gloves and check off that they were given the gloves to wear. I see the point. I understand that if you are unable to meet your own health and safety needs, someone needs to be responsible for keeping you safe. But when does a mistake turn into restriction? Where is that line? And who am I to question an 82 year old mom who forged a trail through the wilds that has become my super highway?

I'll do the best I can to advocate for people, but at the end of the day, I go home. The parents to which I refer never get a break. They live day to day the moral dilemmas that I leave at the office. So here's to them. And here's to their children who grew up protected and still find ways to live life to the fullest.